Nobody likes to admit they’re wrong. Sometimes it happens though and despite our inner urge to draw attention away from ourselves or retaliate, it’s normally less detrimental to just apologize. What happens though when you don’t know how? I know what you’re thinking… I’ve definitely taught my child how to apologize. But have you really? I have yet to hear a student apologize with more sincerity than a simple “sorry.” When really thinking about it, I see the same level of candor from a lot of adults. The problem is “sorry” doesn’t cut it a lot of the time. A sincere apology tends to have at least four parts: 1. I’m sorry – Yes. The simple words they already know. We’re a fourth of the way there already! 2. FOR…. – This is the part that a lot of kids forget about. They don’t say why they’re apologizing. So maybe Reggie just hit John in the face. He said sorry, but for what? For hitting him? |
For getting caught? For leaving a bruise? For embarrassing John in front of his BAE? Clarifying this seems miscellaneous, but if kids can’t define what they’re taking ownership of doing, then how is their apology sincere?
3. It was (rude, inconsiderate, etc.) – By realizing that their actions didn’t reflect the level of behavior that is expected of them in society, kids go beyond a simple sorry. Owning up is hard, but it’s also the first step in recognizing how our personal actions impact others.
4. I will… - So, back to Reggie: by saying that he will make a serious effort to control his anger in the future or keep arguments civil, he is making a plan of action to become a better person. Something we all want for children.
Kids don't get this in a day or even a week, but if you keep scaffolding them through the apology they eventually get to the point where they just need to be prompted. With time the prompts fade away and they understand when a more in-depth apology is necessary and when they can just get away with a simple "sorry."
“Sorry” has become a filler word that’s frequently interjected to move on from a conflict. An apology, however, takes more heart. More sincerity. More risk. It can be a powerful tool in anyone’s arsenal. But when you’re 13 and making mistakes left and right, it might just be essential.
3. It was (rude, inconsiderate, etc.) – By realizing that their actions didn’t reflect the level of behavior that is expected of them in society, kids go beyond a simple sorry. Owning up is hard, but it’s also the first step in recognizing how our personal actions impact others.
4. I will… - So, back to Reggie: by saying that he will make a serious effort to control his anger in the future or keep arguments civil, he is making a plan of action to become a better person. Something we all want for children.
Kids don't get this in a day or even a week, but if you keep scaffolding them through the apology they eventually get to the point where they just need to be prompted. With time the prompts fade away and they understand when a more in-depth apology is necessary and when they can just get away with a simple "sorry."
“Sorry” has become a filler word that’s frequently interjected to move on from a conflict. An apology, however, takes more heart. More sincerity. More risk. It can be a powerful tool in anyone’s arsenal. But when you’re 13 and making mistakes left and right, it might just be essential.